My formative years were marked by a spirit of rebellion and resistance to authority. I didn’t care much about anyone but what I WANTED! Despite the warning signs, I continued down a destructive path of smoking, alcohol, and a wild lifestyle. While I avoided some of society’s more extreme temptations, like tattoos and body piercings, and hard-core drugs, life’s challenges pushed me to make a crucial decision that would forever alter my path.

At 16, I became pregnant. My boyfriend and I were desiring to marry as soon as I was of age, but once pregnant, my Mom kicked me out of my house and I was quickly sent to live at my Dad’s in New York. I tried as best as possible to get back to Florida to be with my boyfriend but had nowhere to go and my dad wouldn’t put me on a plane with no destination, so I was trapped.

I soon realized that being pregnant was stopping me from being free , and I was frustrated, angry and determined to regain my freedom. So I made the heart-wrenching choice to put my baby up for adoption. I named her Ashley Ann and kept her for a week and dotted on her all the love I could have mustered up. It was a decision that carried deep emotional weight.

SPITITUAL AMPUTATION

I remember how all was fine at the hospital, and the attorney came in for me to sign the paperwork, to give her up. I didn’t want to, she was my “Love Child” but I was now only seventeen without a job. How would I feed her or get her diapers? ( I wish someone would have told me that the state had centers for pregnant teens) but at the moment there were no other choices.

The Attorney came in and I signed the paperwork.. as he left… I felt something I never felt before… A Spiritual decapitation! It was like my arm had been cut off but I was able to still function with an arm,, like I FELT THE CORD CUT! And I lay in bed and cried terribly. ( I wish they told me, that I had thirty days to change my mind, but that too, was not ever mentioned to me. I didn’t know, so at seventeen years old I made a decision that altered my future and that of my daughter.

It didn’t work, My Dad never released me, and still being seventeen years old, I couldn’t buy my own plane ticket nor did I have the money to get back down to Florida. So depression set in, I cried day and night but I did meet a guy and started dating him. Eventually we married. I was twenty by now and still in New York. We ended up having three daughters, Nicole, Jessica, and Stephanie. with a 6-year gap between the first two.

In time, my husband and I divorced and I was working at a catering hall for weddings and spent most my nights drunk, but In a seemingly random moment, a thought of how church folks are happy without doing drugs or drinking led me to the idea to attend a church service somewhere. Looking in the yellow pages (yeah, younger folks, we had no phones and Google back then), I came across the first one on the page. “Abundant Life.”

Little did I know that God had a profound encounter in store for me. This preacher started praying and walked over to me and spoke to me, like Jesus did to the woman at the well, and told me all my sins, right there! including revealing that I was going through a divorce. I had this Spiritual removal of the veil over my eyes of understanding and in a vision, I saw God on the Throne PUKING! My life WAS SO WICKED and I made God so sick, HE WAS PUKING!, Spewing me OUT OF HIS MOUTH!

I was overcome with remorse and a desire to seek redemption. This life-altering encounter awakened my soul, igniting a burning desire to pursue God’s forgiveness and embrace a new way of life. I cried till 4:00 A.M. begging God for Forgiveness and about that time, I got a release.. GOD FORGAVE ME!! 1 John 1:9- If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from unrighteousness.

With my newfound faith, I embarked on a transformative journey, seeking to walk in God’s grace and holiness. I told my husband that “God hates divorce and we need to get back together,” He agreed! My heart became attuned to discern sin, feeling the same sorrow God feels when His children stray away. This profound awareness led me to cleanse my life of anything offensive to God, from TV shows to books, and I embraced a radical change in my lifestyle. My zeal for God set me apart and I remained steadfast in my commitment to living according to His Word.

In time he showed me to seek inward beauty instead of outward. Where I ended up fellowshipping in the Mennonite and Ex-Amish cirles for twenty years. 1 Timothy 2:9-10- In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety, not with broided hair, or gold or pearls, or costly array; But which becometh women professing godliness with good works. 1 Peter 3:4- But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

As my faith journey continued, I faced adversity, including my Dad and Step Mother not allowing me in their home ” as long as I carried that Bible around” which was a 3-year ordeal. A diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis, which I wrote about in “A Testament of Hope, Healing and Transformation“. Yet, even in the midst of challenges, God’s healing hand was evident in my life. Trusting in His faithfulness, I navigated various trials and experienced the miraculous touch of God’s healing power. Throughout my walk with Him, His divine protection and presence were constant, guiding me through every step of the way. For an example: I was homeless yet never out on the street. God gave me housing and free $50.00 meals, the first iPhone for free and even an “all expense paid vacation” to Jamaica, all while homeless and jobless! He even had strangers pay my $465.00 monthly car payment and I never missed a payment, using Christians I never met before. This was without a GO-Fund Me or asking for money! You can read all about this in my Autobiograthy “Full Circle“. Phillippians 4:19-20 But MY God shall supply ALL YOUR NEEDS according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Now unto God and our Father be glory forever and ever. Amen (Emphasis is mine).

My Christian testimony stands as a testament to God’s unfailing love and transformative power. From a life of rebellion and darkness, I emerged as a vessel of His light, filled with His grace and forgiveness. This journey has been marked by challenges and triumphs, but through it all, God’s faithfulness has never wavered. Through this blog, I hope to inspire others to seek God’s love, redemption, and transformative power in their own lives, trusting that He can turn even the darkest moments into radiant testimonies of His grace.

As we embark on this journey together, may we grow in faith, draw closer to our Creator, and experience the immeasurable depth of His love and guidance.

Blessings and Love,

Paula